I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
