It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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