She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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