4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
My Higher Power is John Stamos
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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