does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
