wanna go halves on a baby?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
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