Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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