She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
