i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
