I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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