She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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