Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
