Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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