Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
