Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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