she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
