Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
