I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
