He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
