god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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