who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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