Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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