You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
