Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
