I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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