In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
