My nipple is on Facebook.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
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