yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
