How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
