walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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