She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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