Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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