yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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