Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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