I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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