nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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