My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
