This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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