Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
