Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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