I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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