if you like me you must not know who I am
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
