Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Green mimosas i think yes
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
