one might say we're banned from that church
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
