Umm I'm too high to move.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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