I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
