I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
