he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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