i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
