Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
