IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
