Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
