piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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