i used baking grease as lip gloss
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
organizing the empties. That sober.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
